Levi x Reader OC: From the Shadows
by sherwoodgirl99
Summary: Levi is pulled from the underground and suddenly thrown into the battlefield. It is there that his only friends, Isabel and Furlan, die. In order to restore his sanity, Erwin sends him to the training corp to join the 96th regiment in their final weeks. Your regiment. You hate him at first sight, but can you learn to tolerate him?
1. 1 - Rat

"Lord, I fucking swear if the underground rat plunks himself down next to me someone's gonna get fucked up."

"He couldn't be that bad, could he? He only joined us recruits yesterday…"

"Please! He tried to kill Captain Erwin. Do you think any of us could trust him with our lives?" I glared at the opposite corner of the cafeteria where he slowly slid down the wood paneled wall to sit on the floor with his bowl of mashed potatoes. His long black hair hung as a veil over his eyes, as if to shield himself from the crowded dining hall. "What Erwin saw in him I'll never understand… I mean, just look at him. His uniform is buttoned up wrong, his hair is longer than mine, he's greasy as hell..."

"I hear he's a master with a blade, probably extremely cut out to be a soldier," Petra said between bites of potato.

"Please, Petra, I don't want to hear it. Those eyes are the eyes of a killer, not of a savior."

I glanced in his direction again. All I wanted was to pick him up with a set of tongs and dunk him in a large barrel of soapy water. Until he shone of hygiene not grease.

There was something else about him. His face appeared blank, but somewhere underneath there seemed to be so much more. Rage? Grief? I let the topic go, before I let that take me down a trail where I learned more than I needed to.

I lifted my tray from the rotting wooden tables as walked over to the corner of the room where the massive square dish bin sat. Cut out to be a soldier, my ass, I thought.

I burst out of the dining hall as if in a fit of anger. I practically stomped my way over to the dorms. Fuck him. Fuck him and his special recognition. I don't care he was recognized and hand selected by Captain Erwin. I couldn't care less. I slammed the door to the tiny two person dorm I called my home. Petra slept on the left bed, I slept on the right. We had our sides of the room and that was that.

I'm a neat freak. Always have been always will be. Petra's side was covered in clothes. You could clearly see where her side ended and mine began because you could actually see the floor on my side. There was a single bookcase between the two beds, two shelves high. We each had a shelf. Her's was covered in more clothes, mine hand neatly put together books, widest to thinnest. If I weren't so mad I probably would have cleaned the room for her since I have some spare time.

I stood in front of the wood paneling next to where the foot of my bed lay. I threw a punch at the wall, allowing my fist to slide down the wall as I plopped onto the floor. Top of the class has been mine for the past several years, and this piece of work who calls himself Levi shows up in our last week for finals. Where he was trained I have no idea, but he's definitely nothing to laugh at. He's incredibly skilled, or so the rumors go. He was hand selected by Erwin, Commander Shadis of the Survey Corps right hand man. Screw him and his special treatment. I've been here this long, there's no way in hell I could lose to him. Not after all I've worked for.


	2. 2 - Defeat

"Round one goes to Levi Ackerman!" I hear audible gasps from the large circle surrounding me. He was sitting on top of my stomach, forearm at my throat. I made a mistake I made a mistake I made a mistake… I was laying flat on my back in the middle of the dust like dirt. I felt my face growing hot. Embarrassment? Hatred? Anger? Probably a combination of all three. All eyes were burning into my skin. Me, the cold hearted killer, as everyone called me, had been beaten by the five foot newbie. It took him seconds to bring me down. SECONDS. I felt the anger pushing up through my body. I wanted to scream. I wanted his greasy self off of me and I wanted him off of me now. I stood up, throwing him off my body. I swept my hands across my back, clearing it of what dirt I could. I glared over at him. "This isn't over yet, Shorty."

I heard the instructor calling after me, but it was too late now. With a swing in my hips that just screamed "Fuck you," I marched over to the one place I knew I could be alone. My home away from home, the woods.


	3. 3 - Help

I sat up in an oak tree on a high branch, throwing knife after knife into the tree across from me. I underestimated his skill, I thought to myself. How could I be so ignorant?! I was going to go easy on him, but he is years ahead of my skill level. He may have well be a survey corps veteran in disguise. The little brat!

I hear the crunching of dead leaves underfoot from the ground of some nearby trees. I immediately threw one of my knifes in that direction.

"You realize you could have just killed me," Gunther shouted up in my direction as he pulled out the knife inches from his face in the nearby pine tree.

"You realize my aim is too good for that," I smirked back.

"Come down. Let's talk!" Oh, Gunther, he's always looked out for me like an older brother. He can always tell when I'm stressed, and is the only one who can get me to show my true colors, which scares the shit out of me.

"Hmmmm, honestly would rather stay up here. Not gonna lie." I threw another knife whizzing just above his head through his up-styled black hair. He didn't even flinch.

"Well if you don't want to talk, why don't we spar, just for kicks?"

"If you haven't noticed, I think I've had enough sparring for today."

"Come on, won't handing me my own ass make you feel better? Besides I need someone to train with."

"Don't you have somewhere to be, Gunther?"

"One match?"

"Fine, if you'll leave me in peace." I swing down off the branch falling a solid twenty feet to the ground before doing a tuck and roll landing, springing up to my feet. "Come at me, whenever you're ready," I tell him. He charges at me, and throws his first punch. I block the blow with my forearm, and pull back for a return swing when suddenly, I see Levi. Gunther is gone, and in his place is the shorty that beat me earlier today. I falter for a second, and Gunther uses this to his advantage as he brings his knee up into my stomach. Why? I ask myself. What has this kid done to me? He's getting to me. He's changing me. I can't… I can't… I attempt to throw back another return punch, but it flops down to the ground. I fall to my knees, feeling my eyes burn with tears.

Gunther stood over me and whispered, "Remember, you don't have to be the best. Use Levi to your advantage. Make yourself better." Without letting me say anything in return, he started walking back to camp, leaving me alone in the woods in tears.


	4. 4 - Clean

The sun was setting behind the trees. I knew it was time to head back to my room. Dragging my feet I begrudgingly made my way back to my dorm. Everyone was at dinner, and I definitely didn't feel like eating. I rarely cry, but when I do Gunther always seems to be there. He's the only one I can think of that I've cried in front of in the last five years at the least. I've always hated showing my emotions, which is why Gunther pisses me off so much, but sometimes it feels good to let it out every once in awhile. I stuck the key in the lock to my room and twisted it to the left, hearing that familiar click of the lock. I look at the left side of the room to see if Petra decided to eat dinner in our dorm we share. Looking at the empty bed and desk, I heave a sigh of relief. I don't know if I'd be able to deal with her right now. While I love her like a sister, she's a little over emotional. She worries about me so much, which is really nice of her, but I'm always alright. I can deal with any problem by myself.

Her side of a room is a disaster, as per the usual. She knows how much of a clean freak I am. It's basically OCD. I refuse to have a single sock displaced from our room. I dust and sweep at least five times a week. I do what I can to keep this place clean. Suddenly Levi pops into my head. His incorrectly buttoned shirt and unbathed body give me the shivers. I just wanna take that boy and give him a few good dunks in the tub and properly put his clothes on. Every time I see him I can't help but cringe in pain.

I pick up Petra's clothes strewn about the room. Of course there's mud from outside everywhere, So I grab the broom and sweep up what I can. I grab the bucket I keep permanently stored in the corner of the room and make my way down to the bathroom. I fill it up with water and some soap to scrub up any leftover mud on the floor. That girl is so lucky she has me as her roommate. She would have died of filth long ago.

After making sure the room was beautifully spotless and all of Petra's clothes were nicely folded and organized on her bed, I flopped on my own bed and stared up at the ceiling. Why did Shorty have to show up? I owned this school, damn it, and he's gonna steal it from me. I stick my arm up straight above me. Looking at my hand as if it were some distant creature from some distant land. No wait, it was just one fight. It will probably be at least another week before I have to fight him again. I have time to observe. I'll watch how he fights so next time I am prepared. I will use Levi to my advantage. I will win.


	5. 5 - Fight

The next day we were all formed up in our usual circle formation. Duo after duo fighting it out until one could not continue. Some matches were more exciting than others. I was a little less focused in my match than usual, but I won anyway. I'm only second to Levi at this point.

"Up next, Hanji and Levi," the instructor called out. Alright here I go. I'll be able to observe from a safe distance and pick up his fighting mannerisms. Hanji and Levi both faced each other and squared up. Levi immediately put up his defenses, as did Hanji. They circled around each other, and Levi made it clear that he was not going to be the one to make the first move. He doesn't underestimate anyone, which was most likely my downfall in the first place. Analytical, excitable Hanji. She loves learning new things. You can always find her in the small library we have here reading up on titans. Whenever she learns something new she makes sure everyone else on the grounds learns it too by screaming out any and all windows. No matter how well read she is, she is also a great fighter. She may be tall and a bit awkward, she is quite quick and nimble. Not very strong though, which could be her downfall in this fight.

Hanji ran at Levi, throwing the first punch. Levi slid right under her arm, getting on her backside. Hanji pivoted on her back leg with her front leg swinging into a kick towards Levi, hoping to catch him off guard, ending this swiftly and carefully. However, Levi being Levi saw it coming and grabbed her leg out of midair and drove it straight down into the ground. Hanji, losing her balance, fell down next to Levi who stood over her, victorious.

So that's his shtick. He tries to get behind you, leaving you completely vulnerable and himself completely covered. I just can't let him get behind me.


	6. 6 - Practice

I had to practice. Obviously there wasn't anyone else here who fought like Levi, and I couldn't just go up to the dirty rat and ask him to spar with me so I could defeat him at the end of the week. I went to Eld. I respect him and his fighting style. He's probably third best hand to hand after Levi and myself. My plan was this, I was going to spar with Eld, but I was going to try to fight like Levi. By putting myself into Levi's shoes I would know where his weak spots were and just how to take him down. I would also indirectly gain Eld's input on how to take him on.

It definitely took some getting used to Levi's style. While I am smaller than most of the people here, I am also quite strong and have high endurance. I try to prolong battles and take my enemy out when they've run out of gas, not end the battle as quickly as possible as Levi does. I told Eld I was trying out a new fighting style, but I could tell he knew what I was up to. He didn't say anything, though. Thank god.

After fighting Eld for an hour or two, I felt fairly prepared. I had a solid plan for what I wanted to do. I just needed a day or two worth of practice more with Eld and I would be ready for Levi.


	7. 7 - Dinner

I sat down next to Petra, Eld, Gunther, Mike, and Hanji, my usual crew. I start working on my bread and potatoes. After sparring for so long the past few days I could use the extra calories. I look up, to see Levi looking straight across the table at me shoving my face full of potatoes. I was so in shock that I started choking on my potatoes. After taking a few sips of water I looked at who was sitting directly to the left of Levi. Gunther. Of course. I fucking glared at him as hard as my fiery eyes would let me. I was about to get up and leave, but suddenly Petra next to me wraps her ankle around mine, anchoring me down to my seat. Not wanting to make a scene bigger than the one I made during training the other day. I plunked myself down in my seat. Levi sat across from me carefully putting in small scoop of potato in his mouth after the next.

"So Levi, where on earth did you learn to fight like that?" Petra piped up. Screw you guys, I thought to myself.

"I grew up in the underground. You had to fight to survive." For such a quiet guy I was suddenly taken aback. He spoke with such confidence, like he was already a leader. A trait I would have respected if I didn't see him as my enemy right now. In fact, it kinda made me want to give him a good punch in the face.

"Really?" Petra asked. "So not to get personal or anything, but what happened to your parents?"

"My mom died in childbirth. Couldn't tell you anything about my father." He looked straight at me with those intense grey eyes.

"So who raised you?" Gunther questioned.

"A guy named Kenny picked me up after I was born. He was more or less my father figure, if you can call a guy who taught you how to fight with a switchblade at the age of four a father."

"Jesus Christ," Petra said. "How did you end up here then?"

"Your very leader that I tried to kill invited me here. Erwin told me his stories and ideals and I couldn't help but admire him. He said he'd clear me of my crimes if I joined him, so I did."

"Damn Levi, that's hardcore," Gunther commented. Everyone laughed, and Levi smirked. Petra's leg unwrapped itself from around mine, and I was finally free. I got up from my spot as soon as I could.

"Nice talking to you, Levi," I said in a dead tone and walked off. He was my enemy, I couldn't forget that during tomorrow's fight. I couldn't let him and his sob story background get to me. I will win.


	8. 8 - Room

I couldn't sleep that night at all. I just stared up at my ceiling cursing my friends for dinner and running through my plans for tomorrow's fight. The way the training system works here at the training corp is everyone is divided up into three groups depending on skill level. I, Levi, Hanji, and Gunther were all some of those in the top group. Petra, Mike, and Eld were in the second group. Each day, one person from each group would end up sparring five different people from the same group. This ran in a cycle so one friday you would face the same people you faced the last. Unless Levi suddenly got sick tomorrow, I would face off against him according to the cycle. After observing him all week. I felt prepared, and yet I couldn't sleep. I had to win this fight, or I would risk losing my place at the top of the class. Levi excelled in all the other parts of training, but so did I. Whether it was Titan biology or using the 3DM gear, we were both extremely skilled in it. It all came down to this fight. The last fight before finals, where our ranking would truly be decided. If I could beat him now, I could beat him during finals. I will not lose tomorrow.


	9. 9 - Grounded

"...And begin!" the instructor called out over the whispers of all the cadets. Levi and I both threw up our immediate defenses, and started in our little circle dance. I know how you work, Levi. I am completely prepared for this fight. I will not lose. Suddenly, he started sprinting straight at me. My mind started flying. What? No! This is wrong! What? I tried to throw up some sort of defense, but I was just to shocked and he was just too fast. He ducked down faked a punch to my ribs, where a threw down my hands to defend, when he suddenly redirected the punch into a hook under my chin. I took a step back, leaving myself open to him. Once again, I was on my back, embarrassingly kicked down to the ground. He knew. Somehow he knew I had been thoroughly studying him. Preparing for this moment, so he prepared as well. I AM SUCH A DUMBASS.

"Levi wins!" the instructor called out over the gasps and whispers over my fellow cadets. I looked up to see Levi, his buring grey eyes looking straight into mine. He grabbed the sides of my head and smacked his forehead into mine seemingly as hard as he could. His greasy, long, black hair brushed the sides of my face.

As I cried out in pain, Levi screamed at me, "Who do you think the enemy is here?! Me!? Take a look outside the walls! This petty feud you're creating isn't going to get us anywhere! Keep this up and you're going to be the one to kill us all, brat." Just as I did a week ago, he stormed off towards the dorms, not looking back, leaving me embarrassed and surrounded by my fellow cadets. I got up, brushed myself off, and started off in the opposite direction. I didn't care where it led, as long as it wasn't there.


	10. 10 - Trees

"FUCK!" I screamed when I was finally by myself quite a way into the woods. I crouched down, elbows on my knees, hands covering my now brimming with tears eyes. Levi was right. What the hell was I thinking. Was I really so caught up in my own reality that I forgot the real purpose I was here? I don't even deserve the title of number one in our class anymore. In fact, I don't think I'll be able to show my face in front of our class again. "SCREW YOU LEVI!" I screamed. At the sound of his name echoing against the trees, the picture of him walking towards me suddenly popped into my head again. Those deep grey eyes. They tell more of a story themselves than he could ever say. The story of pain, loss, and death.

I wrap my arms around the nearest tree and start banging my head against it, feeling my hair get caught in the crumpled layers of the old oak tree. I felt the tears rolling down my face. Guther wasn't going to appear this time. Not Gunther, not Eld, not Petra, not Hanji, not Mike. I was alone. How do I make this better? I don't. It's done. No going back now. I was dumb, there's no undoing that. I accept it now, alright? Levi beats me, in every way shape and form. How? I have no clue. But somehow he does it.

I pull my face away from the tree, wiping away the tears. I took a deep breath. I knew it was time to face the seemingly impossible. I was going to dinner that night, and I would sit with Levi.


	11. 11 - Stares

I stood in front of the large plywood door, just staring at it. I didn't want to go in, but I knew I had a reputation to hold. I put my hand onto the door, pressing ever so slightly, I froze, and looked up into the starry night. I wish I could be anywhere else but here. I threw my weight forward into the door, taking a deep breath as I stepped into the room. The dining hall was chaos, as usual. Maybe I'd be able to make it to my seat without being noticed. I took three steps forward, before I noticed the table to my left get really quiet. Then the table to my right. The silence slowly migrated around the room, until it was ungodly quiet. All eyes were on me, boring into my skull. My head was pounding, the world started to blur. Each step I took felt like it was out of a dream. I just kept walking, and the eyes kept following. I had no control over my body, I just kept going. Suddenly a hand grabbed my arm and quick pulled me down into a seat. Everyone slowly started turning away, returning back to their normal conversation. I look to my left to see who had pulled me down onto that corner bench seat. Hanji. I turned to her and mouthed the words "thank you." I looked across the table, and sitting on the corner seat ahead of me was none other than Levi himself. I felt my face get red. Why? Anger? Embarrassment? I spun my head away so I didn't have to look at him. I said I'd sit with him, not interact with him. Either way, I could feel his bored grey eyes glaring at the side of my head.

I kept to myself that dinner. I didn't speak unless spoken directly, too. I couldn't focus, and I didn't really want to focus. After a few minutes of chatter, I noticed Levi start to get up. I knew I had to talk to him, but not here. After I saw the door to the dining hall close behind him, I decided to follow.


	12. 12 - Void

I strode over to the door Levi just exited. I pressed my hand against the door, and looked outside. I saw the large empty expanse of the training yard in front of me. Levi was nowhere in sight. It was an empty void, and yet it felt like something was watching me. Suddenly, I felt something clasp my wrist. I yelped and jumped back, only to see Levi staring down at me. He was waiting for me. Of course. He glared into my eyes, I felt his fingers wrap tighter around my arm. I looked at him, somewhat disgusted. He was almost as dirty, if not was, as when he arrived here. He whipped his head to look away from me out into the expanse of the abandoned field, his long hair blowing slightly in the night breeze. "Come on," he growled in a quiet, low tone. I felt the heat once again flush up to my face as his warm nimble fingers led me into the vast darkness of the night.


	13. 13 - Senses

I had never been afraid of the dark, but now I had felt more fear than ever. The overwhelming feeling of dread, yet excitement filled my body. My stomach churned as if someone had taken me and flipped me upside down. He led me farther and farther. I wanted to ask where we were going but the massive lump in my throat prevented me from saying a word. Eventually, I saw the dim outline of what looked like massive poles in the ground. The forest. Of course, where else would he lead me? He kept pulling me, past the initial brush on the edge of the forest until we reached the rarely trod clearings of the inner woods. He dropped my arm. I tried to find his face, but it was so dark all I could see was his dark figure against the gray woods.

"Why are we here, Levi?" I finally manage to get out.

"I could ask you the same question," he retorted.

"I just wanted to know if you'd be willing to train with me that's all."

"Why do you think we're here, dumbass," he snapped back.

"What the hell, Levi, I can't even see you."

"How observant of you."

"You can't expect me to fight you without being able to see you!" I almost yelled.

"Seeing is only half the battle when it comes to fighting. You should be able to understand your enemy so much so that you don't even have to see them. You have four other perfectly good senses to use to your full advantage."

'Yeah, I definitely feel like my sense of taste will be coming in handy here,' I thought to myself.

I heard the rustling of leaves as Levi shuffled out into the darkness. "Alright get into ready position," Levi called out. I put my hands up. "And go!" he called out once again. I heard the leaves crunch under his feet. He was rushing towards me. Suddenly, it stopped. Did he stop? Did he jump? I whipped around and rolled to my right, trying to avoid whatever stunt he was trying to pull. Suddenly, I feel something thud against my head, bringing me down hard. He had climbed a nearby tree and jumped me from above, damn it. He was sitting on my back when suddenly I feel his warm tongue lick the back of my neck. As I lay there, in shock of what had just happened, he got up, brushed himself off, and called out, "All five senses!" as he wandered out of the woods, leaving me alone surrounded by the void.


	14. 14 - Learn

I just laid there. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest; I could barely breathe. Rushing chills ran up and down my spine. I finally figured it out. Why was I always so afraid of Levi? Because I found him attractive. I sat there with my chest in the leaves and my left cheek pressed into the dirt. The smell of old wood surrounding me. How could I let myself have feeling for a short little unhygienic underground rat? And yet, there was something about him. His confidence, his eyes? I sat up slowly, head spinning from the impact. Thanks Levi. I propped myself up on one knee, wondering how I proceed talking to Levi from here. How does he feel about me? He obviously didn't want to talk to me at dinner tonight, and yet here I am with a wet nape thanks to that brat. I stood up, suddenly remembered I was out alone in the middle of the forest full of wildlife at the dead of night. I spun around slowly to observe my surroundings. Trees. And dark. Very helpful. Picking a direction and just going for it doesn't seem like my best option here. I closed my eyes and tried to listen for something, anything, that could lead me back to civilization. Sound tends to carry when there is no other noise to disturb it. Ever so faintly, I could hear some laughing and screaming coming from my right. I started off in that direction, only hoping for the best.


	15. 15 - Smell

I didn't think it could have gotten any worse. But then it did. Downpour. After wandering aimlessly four an hour in the dark, the cries of hell let loose, and I was soaked to the bone, shivering with every step I took. I was so numb, but in an extremely painful way, like when you hold ice for too long. Normally I love a good rain, letting the water hit my face as I sit there enjoying the feeling of being alone, but not so much right now as I'm completely lost in a huge wood full of who knows what. The only thing that really brings me comfort at this point is knowing that there's a wall around us, so I can't completely wander off. I need a break. Find a nearby pine tree, one large enough, but yet close enough to the ground, that it created somewhat of a tent shape. I close my eyes, trying to get some rest because at this rate I'll freeze to death before ever making it back.

Someone was shaking my shoulders. As for flight or flight, I've always been a punch first ask questions later kind of girl. Before I even open my eyes to see whose flesh my fist had just connected with, I hear a cry of pain. I bat open my eyes and look down at the ground in front of me. "Mike?" I say.

"Sorry," Mike apologizes, "I guess I should have seen that coming."

"What in the hell are you doing here?"

"Well I, uh, saw Levi come back alone, and I knew both of you went into the woods together."

"How? Wait what? Start over. How did you know both of us came in here?" I pressed.

"I smelled you."

"...what?"

"Sorry it took awhile, the rain masked your scent there for a bit. I could smell you both from outside the woods, and I knew you would probably get lost when I saw Levi come back by himself, so…"

Even the sound of his name sent my head spinning. My mouth grew dry, my breathing heavier.

"Look, Mike, just nevermind. Do you know the way back?" He nodded at me, and started to crawl out from the massive tree that I was sleeping under. I followed, in hopes he would lead me back through the dark of night to the warmth of my bed.


	16. 16 - Thanks

I unhurriedly open the door to Petra's and my room. I knew she would be sleeping, she always passes out in bed immediately after dinner. She never worries about where I am either, she knows I can take care of myself. Well, apparently most of the time. I'm two steps in the door before Petra suddenly sits up straight in bed. Damn light sleepers. Always on high alert. She lights the candle next to her bed, and based on the way I'm drenched to the bone with my shirt already off as I walked down the hall in nothing but my bra, I'm in for a real nice lecture.

She stares at my half-naked body. "Where were you?" she asks.

"I was, uh, out enjoying a walk?"

"This early in the morning?"

"Alright fine, I was going to tell you everything anyway." Starting from the dining hall and finishing with Mike, I told her exactly how my night went.

"So…." she replied "Levi, huh. The dirty little underground rat." She could barely contain herself, full of giggles and smiles as she sat across the room on her bed while I recounted the story sitting on mine, drying out my hair.

"Look, the battlefield is no place for 'feelings' so I will be kicking these to the curb." I asserted.

"Awww, but the two angry swordsmen would make such a cute couple."

"Angry? Who ever said I was… Okay, I see where you're coming from, but you know that just can't happen. You like Eld, why haven't you ever said anything to him?"

"Please, he's way out of my league. You on the other hand, I think are stooping down," She hysterically laughed to herself. "She flopped down onto her back, facing the ceiling. "I never thought I'd see the day when you of all people showed emotion!" she said.

"This is why I didn't want to tell you. Thanks. Now if you don't mind, I am going to go to bed." I blew out the candle, putting an end to any conversation we were just having. I peeled the heavily soaked jeans from my thighs so Petra didn't have to see more than she had to. Not like she hasn't seen it before, but I'm sure there would have been a nice sex joke thrown in there. I crawl into the warmth of my bed, but all I can think about are Levi's piercing grey eyes. So cold they're almost soft, ironically enough. I fall asleep to the thought of Levi's body pushed against my own as he sat on me tonight in the woods.


	17. 17 - Dare

It was off hours. There was nothing to do and at this point we were all more or less just sitting in a circle outside in the fields just staring at each other. The sun felt good, but I knew this would not last long.

Hanji jumped up suddenly, scaring just about everyone with a large "Welp!" She put her hands on her hips and leaned backwards into them. In the silence you could hear each vertebra crack. "I'm bored," she stated flatly

"You're not an easy one to keep pleased," I called back.

"How about…. We play some truth or dare?" she asked the group.

"I don't know…. I'm not twelve anymore," I said.

"What?" she questioned. "Got something to hide?"

"Alright, I'm down to play," Eld called.

"Sure, why not?" Petra responded.

Hanji paraded into the center of our little circle. She whipped around, staring straight at Mike. "Hey Mike, truth or dare?" she asked.

"...Dare," he carefully responded.

Hanji reached behind her back and pulled out her water bottle from behind her back. "Pour this water down your nose." She chuckled to herself, but all I saw were Mike's eyes dart towards me screaming 'help.' Guess you should've left when you had the chance, Mike.

He carefully grabbed the water bottle, as if not to break it, even though it was made of sanded down wood. He opened up the bottle and peered down the opening, as if to make sure it was actually water. He tilted his head back, and started to pour the contents of the bottle down his nose. After a large "Fuck!" screamed by Mike and the water bottle thrown across the circle, Mike had successfully completed his dare, more or less. As he sat there cradling his nose, trying his best to blow the remaining water in his nose out onto his hands, Hanji moved onto her next victim. Hanji closed her eyes and started spinning in a circle with her arm pointed out, as to randomly select the next one up on the stand. She abruptly stop, hand pointed straight out at Gunther.

"Gunther, truth or dare." You could see her eyes light up with excitement at this new form of compliant torture she had developed.

"Truth." He quickly answered. Doesn't want to have to go through what Mike just suffered through. Smart.

"When's the last time you masterbauted?" she asked. Okay maybe not so smart on Gunther's part. I would rather have the water down my nose to be honest.

He looked Hanji dead in the eye and stated, "Last night 22:39 in my room."

Everyone was silent for a few seconds as Gunther continued to stare directly into Hanji's eyes until she broke eye contact.

"... Alrighty! Levi! Truth or dare?" Levi had just approached our group and was barely sitting down before Hanji already threw the worst of bombs in his direction.

"What?" he asked.

"Truth… or… dare?" Hanji asked really slowly, stepping closer to him with each word.

"Dare?" He said, sounding very unsure as to what he was just answering.

"Go into Corporal Haff's room and steal a package of tea."

"No," he stated flatly.

"That's not how this game works!" She called out jumping a little bit as she spoke.

"Why would I? There are many reasons I shouldn't and not a single good reason why I should."

"Fine. Be scared like that. Levi's probably even too scared to wash his own di…."

Levi cut off Hanji before she could continue. "Fine."


	18. 18 - Tea

Four of us were squatting low to the ground just outside Corporal Haff's door. My hands were shaking, my breath was short, but I could feel the rush of excitement that came with the adrenaline. Petra, Mike, Hanji, and I were all outside Corporal Haff's office, waiting potentially for Levi to return. We had stationed Eld and Gunther just down the hall, in case Corporal Haff just so happened to wander back from lunch early. Just sitting outside you could hear the disaster Levi was creating inside. Papers being thrown about, drawers and cabinets being slammed, things that aren't supposed to be dropped getting dropped. With each new noise I cringed to myself, wanting to burst in there and scream at him that we weren't supposed to get caught on this mission, and you have to maintain at least SOME level of tidiness. What was maybe two minutes felt like an eternity. As soon as I heard Eld scream, I knew Corporal Haff was on his way back, so Levi had to hurry the fuck up. We had made an agreement with the two boys down the hall that if Corporal Haff showed up, Eld would fake an ankle injury after a fake 'gone wrong backflip.' I quick yank open the door and shout to Levi, "hurry up he's on his way!"

I cannot even begin to describe the horror that I felt when I opened that door. It was like a hell storm had ripped through Corporal Haff's room. Papers everywhere, shards of who knows what scattered across the room. I look up to see levi climbing a bookcase in order to reach the top shelf, which, of course, had the tea on it. He reached and plucked it off the shelf, holding it between his index and thumb finger out in front of him as if it was a dirty rag. He casually strolled out of the room without looking at any of us, making the point to kick Hanji in the ankle on his way out. Without letting any of us see the tea that he had just recovered, he pried open the window just down the hall, paused to stare directly into my eyes for what felt like a lifetime, and climbed out the window, leaving us all sitting there, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

Needless to say, Corporal Haff showed up a few seconds later. Levi was in the clear, but sadly the rest of us were not, including Eld and Gunther. Lets just say that windburn on your naked body does not feel great the next morning.


	19. 19 - Coals

_**As a quick side note, I am finding myself with more time than I used to have, so I'm finally able to spend more time on each of these chapters. I'm gonna try to make these longer for you guys from now on for your reading enjoyment!**_

That same night, I was alone. It was after dinner, and I was crossing the field covered by darkness between the dining hall and our dorms. I knew there was so much I had to do that night to prepare for Friday's final examination, but my thoughts just kept drifting back to Levi. I hadn't really seen him all day except during our little game of truth or dare, and I just wanted to bask in his presence. There was an aura about him. It was always cold, stern and confident, but like a fever it made me feel warm.

I have never been the most extroverted person, and in that sense I feel Levi and I are similar. Petra and Hanji on the other hand never seem to know when to shut the fuck up. That's why I've always loved night. I spend less busy nights alone in the fields just staring up at the stars. I feel like for once I can finally think. When I see the billions of stars, I feel so small, but like each of them I can bring light to this trash heap we call a world inside these walls.

I looked up to the sky above me, just pausing for a moment outside the training shed only a couple hundred feet away from the dorms. I felt someone wrap their warm callused hands around my wrist, but this time I was more or less expecting it. I smiled at his touch as he pulled me behind the shed.

"I'm not coming if you leave me in the middle of the woods alone again," I commented as he began to pull me away towards the woods.

"Fine, needy brat," he spat back.

I continued to blindly follow him. Just as before, it was completely dark. I was amazed he hadn't driven me into a tree yet. On purpose or accidentally. We were both quiet as he pulled me along. Neither of us had anything to say.

Eventually, I saw a dim glow between some trees in the distance. A fire? Was someone else really out here this late at night.? Levi pressed on towards the glowing orange horizon, and as much as I wanted to ask about it, I decided against it. There were honestly so many things I wanted to say to him, but I needed to bottle those feelings up and shove them down my own throat. For both our goods. We graduated Friday, and even if we did end up in the same corp, people die in the military all the time. Not a risk I was willing to take. This session was just training. Nothing more, nothing less.

What was a dim orange glow from a distance turned out to be hot coals, which was once a fire. Sitting on top of said coals was a metal pot. I wasn't about to ask where he got it. He pulled out two cups from who knows where and started pouring the contents of the pot into the two cups. He handed me one and kept the other for himself. I looked at him skeptically, not really knowing what to expect. I sniffed the new liquid I was just given. It smelled oddly sweet. Then it hit me. Today, the dare, the tea. Based on the way he was carrying it I thought he had just thrown it out. I looked over to him in the dim orange light, only really able to see his outline.

"Is this this the…"

"Yeah," he replied before I could even finish my sentence.

I lifted it up to my lips, uncertain of what to think. I had never had tea before, it was always too expensive for my family, being from the countryside of wall Maria. It would be a lie to say it was the sweetest thing I had ever tasted, because it came no where close to any of the berries or fruits that I usually have at home. Yes, it had a fruity taste to it, but it was somewhat bitter. But it was just so smooth, as if it melted my tongue and throat on the way down.

"This isn't really what I expected tea to taste like," I commented. The air was awkward, and I didn't really know what to say.

I looked over to Levi to see him holding his cup from the top, as if the sides of the cup were just too hot to grasp. "It's good," he replied. This conversation just keeps going downhill.

"So you're from the underground, right? I'm sure you never really had any luxuries like tea."

He peered up at me, he had been staring into his cup, almost in a way that made me a bit uncomfortable. "As far as the underground goes, we weren't too bad off. We had pulled the whole 'steal from the rich, give to the poor' deal, but we kept some for ourselves to keep us and our base of operations afloat. To answer your question, no, there was no tea in the underground."

"We?" I asked innocently.

He set his cup down, giving a tone of finality to the conversation. "You're here to train, aren't you? Get up."

We continued like this, night after night until examination. After we ran out of stolen tea, we got creative and made our own using pine needles. Tea and training, tea and training. Always working, rarely sleeping. Which was alright in my book because I spent my time with Levi. I grew stronger, and we grew closer. I wanted him, but he always felt just outside my reach. I knew deep down that I wanted something more with him, but according to our odds, one of us will be dead in the next few months. I could never do that to myself, or to him.


	20. 20 - Final

I looked around at the bloody mess before me. People sprawled across the ground, holding bruised and battered body parts, some unconscious. Even though we were about to become soldiers, this was brutal. In whose mind was it alright to throw dozens of kids into a small circle to beat the crap out of each other. Each man for himself my ass. I guess that's why I'm not one of those crying messes passed out on the dirt of the training field.

"Alright recruits. This is your final test. All of you will enter this ring," Corporal Huff gestured to the large red string ring in the middle of our training field. It probably measured about 50 meters in diameter. "The last one standing is top of the class, second is second, and so on. Understood?!"

This test was less about actual skill, and more about reasoning, wit, and teamwork. I glanced over to see Levi bashing some poor kid's face in with his knee. I looked over to Petra, who had someone much taller than her in a chokehold as she was lowering them slowly to the ground. Suddenly, amongst all the commotion, I could feel someone behind me without them actually touching me. Their presence was all I needed at this point, thanks to the training with Levi… FOCUS! I stuck out my elbow, whipping it around hard, hoping to catch my pursuer by surprise. I had no idea how tall they were before whipping around, but luckily they were on the shorter side, and my elbow connected hard with the small girl's throat. No sympathy. I wanted to hesitate to see if there was any way I didn't have to continue, but I knew on the battlefield there was no hesitation. She let out a large gasp, and I grabbed the back of her head, bringing her face down into my knee. I could tell by the look in her eye, and by the fact she went completely limp, I could stop there. I let her loose and she flopped down onto the ground.

Where was my unspoken team at. Levi, Petra, Eld, and Hanji were all still standing. Mike and Gunther had fallen. Damn it. I sprinted over towards Levi as I scanned the crowd. Maybe thirty of us left.

I looked Levi over head to toe; minimal injuries. Perfect. Although, he was quite thoroughly covered in blood. "Take a bath, Rat," I called out as I approached.

"Speak for yourself, brat," he called back as he was flipping some poor boy over his head, slamming his body onto the ground.

"I know, it's disgusting. I would kill for a bar of soap."

"Well finish killing these little shits and you can have as much soap as your tiny cold heart desires."

I saw Eld and Hanji both running our way. I examined the crowd for Petra. I sighed. She was trying to get back up, but based on the state of her face and knees, there was no return. Four of us.

"Alright, let's just stay in a large group. Don't wander too far off, let them come to us. We can help each other out if we need it. Levi and I will take the small and quick ones. Eld and Hanji, take the bigger ones who could pick me up and shake the shit out of me without breaking a sweat. Let's go," I instructed everyone. They took my orders and blindly followed, no questions asked. Fist, elbow, kick. Again, again, again, and again. Blood here, screams there. It was almost like a real battle. Foot into one girl's stomach, knee in another guy's crotch. No sympathy, just keep going. We trained for a reason. No fear.

Surrounded by bloodied, consciousless bodies it was down to us four, and a second group of five. We weren't the only smart ones here. Two larger males, two smaller males, and one small female. This would not be easy. I analyzed the situation. Levi may be good at throwing a tactically good punch, I know how to read a situation and conduct a team accordingly.

"Alright, Hanji and Eld, you should be able to handle the two larger ones. Levi and I can take the three smaller ones. Levi, try to take the girl down first, then target the guys. I'll try to hold them off until you take her down. Lets charge in… Now!" I full out sprinted at the other group, knowing full well the others would follow. The two bigger ones jumped in front of the smaller ones, as if to act as a frontal shield. I slowed up, letting Eld and Hanji ahead. Hanji's face was elated, as if nothing could bring her more joy than beating the crap out of someone else. As the first punched were thrown on their end, the smaller ones were exposed. Levi made a bee-line for the girl on the far left, whereas I headed for the boy in the middle, trying to separate them from Levi. I knew Levi would be quick to finish the girl, which is why I told him to do it instead of me. All it really took to bring the girl down was a quick grab of the ponytail, face smash to the ground, and a few kicks to the gut. She wasn't getting back up. On my part however, I had to hold off two boys. I threw a low swept kick at one boy's knees, while I swung my fist towards the other boy's face. Don't over exert yourself, just keep them off Levi. The kick connected with the boy's ankles, but sadly seemingly had no effect on him. The other boy managed to avoid my fist all together. I needed to get one of them down. I did a quick front kick to the balls for the boy directly in front of me to incapacitate him for a few seconds while I dealt with the other. While he squealed, I brought my underhand up under the other boy's chin, and then grabbed what little hair he had brining his head into my knee. I made a point to keep his mouth open, leaving teeth gash marks in my leg. I gave him a final kick to the stomach and released him. Thankfully, Levi had swept in while I wasn't looking, and save me from being jumped by the other end. Apparently my initial kick hadn't quite lasted as long as I thought it would have. I looked over to Hanji and Eld, both of whom had managed to take down their opponents.

"Well, huh, this is awkward…" Hanji commented as she walked over to us, wiping her bloody palms on her pants. We all just stared at each other for a second. Then Hanji broke out into a huge smile, and looked over to Eld, who looked back at her with just as goofy of a smile. They both immediately collapsed and played dead. Speechless, I looked over to Levi.

"Final training session. You ready, brat?"


	21. 21 - Hurt

My eyes flutter open, as I stare at the wooden board ceiling above me. Where am I? I turn my head to look off to my right, only causing immense throbbing pain in my skull. I find beds lined up from wall to wall, each covered in white linen sheets. The infirmary. Why was I here? Party got a little crazy? Wouldn't be the first time…

Suddenly it dawns on me. The final! Out of sudden reflex I try sitting up, remembering I had somewhere I needed to be, only to feel the stabbing pain rip from my skull down through the rest of my body. Everything hurt. I looked down at me. I was covered from head to toe in bruises and broken skin. Based on the bandaging over my nose I'm pretty sure it's broken. I laid back and closed my eyes.

Okay, the final. We had that all out brawl among all the trainees. It came down to Levi and I, and…. What happened next? Do I really want to know what happened next, considering I'm currently laying here with a bashed in nose and who knows what else. Each breath I took came with searing pain, I wouldn't be surprised if I broke a few ribs. Knowing Levi he wouldn't have held back this last fight, and apparently I didn't either.

I opened up my eyes again, trying to see if there was anyone else here that I could ask what the hell is going on. My head was still facing right, towards the back of the room. No one. I close my eyes again, and try to slowly move my head to face the other direction. I slowly open my eyes, to find Levi lying in the bed next to me, still knocked out. What the hell happened out there? Whatever it is it must have been some real good shit. Usually we both know our limits… right? I guess not?

I try to look over Levi to see what possible injuries he had acquired. Bandage around the forehead, probably concussion. Based on the way I can't seem to remember anything I probably have the same around my head. Other than the usual bruises and cuts, the only thing different is the large swing attached to the ceiling keeping his foot elevated. Hopefully just a sprain. Could we both really do this much damage? To each other?

Suddenly I hear footsteps approaching, and in the moment of panic I pretend to once again be sleeping. I'm assuming it's the nurse. I allow my eyes to flutter open as she steps over by my bed, pretending as if it's the first time I'm opening my eyes.

"Don't move," she scolded me immediately. "You'll worsen the injuries."

"What's going on? What about the final?" I asked.

"Corporal Haff told me you and Levi each threw about three punches before passing out in each other's arms from exhaustion and your mild concussions." The nurse started fiddling around with some glass bottles next to my bed as she spoke to me, only seeming to be half paying attention to the conversation we were more or less having.

Seriously? Well no fucking wonder. "So, what about the choosing ceremony?"

"I was told the commanders of each division will be visiting you too later tonight to hear your decisions, considering you both are number one in your class. Now drink this and get some rest." She handed me what was seemingly a shot glass of yellow liquid. Holding my breath, I swallowed. It burned on the way down, and tasted of milk if you left it out in the sun for hours on a hot day. I started coughing, only making my chest feel like it was collapsing on itself. I let out a small screech of pain.

"Two broken ribs will do that to ya!" the nurse called as she closed the door behind her on her way out of the infirmary. I glanced back over to Levi. He seemed so peaceful. I just wanted to reach out and stroke his red and purple swollen face. I guess we just don't know when to give up, now do we?


	22. 22 - Choice

The three filed in, one after the next: Commander Pixis, Commander Dok, and Commander Shadis. The branding of the Garrison, the Military Police, and the Survey Corps sewn into each of their jackets. As they walked in, I did my best to sit up. The nurse ended up coming over and helping me comfortably rest my back against the large white pillow behind me, so I didn't have to lean against the wooden supports of the headboard behind me. Levi next to me did the same, but with less help. We both placed our right fists over our left chest area, in sign of a salute.

"At ease soldiers," Commander Shadis of the Survey Corps responded.

I lowered my arm, releasing the pain of tension as I held my arm up. Everything was sore. It all hurt.

"We would give you our spiels, but I believe you have a pretty good idea of what you're looking at," Commander Pixis of the Garrison commented. He chuckled to himself.

The Military Police worked in the innermost walls, and gained the safety and security offered by them. They also lived life in one of the most sought after areas. Not to mention, their job was very laid back. There was little trouble from their parts of the walls. Most duties included just escorting public figures. As someone in the top ten I had the option to choose the Military Police. Only the best of the training corps gained the opportunity to serve in this division.

The Garrison created order within the walls. They assisted the day to day person, from dealing with robberies to keeping kids heads on straight. Usually this was trainee's second choice after the Military Police, because it was a very safe option.

Then there was the Survey Corps. Notoriously known for their expeditions to the outer walls, and normally only bringing back two thirds of the soldiers they left with. It was a deadly job, but someone had to go out and bring information back about the outer world. Maybe one day we would be able to escape this hell we've been trapped in.

"So, which one of us do you choose?" Commander Dok of the Military Police stated. All three looked to me, not one of them glanced at Levi. Why? Did he not also have to select which division he was to join? I glanced over at him. He was staring straight ahead at the wooden wall, not looking at anything or anyone. It was almost as if he was in his own little world.

I looked back to the three men standing in front of me. There was a reason I joined the military in the first place. It wasn't going to be so I could just half-ass my life once I got through training. It wasn't so I could live a life of luxury. My talents would be wasted in the wall. I had known this answer for months now, and I could feel they knew that as well.

"I respect all three divisions greatly, but I am going to have to pick the Survey Corps."

All three gave me a sudden look of shock, as if I told them I was going to go march off a cliff.

Commander Shadis was the first to snap out of the initial confusion of my choice. Flustered, he walked over to me and shook my hand.

"Thank you for your service," he said. "We'll be back in three days after you heal somewhat to move you into our headquarters."

I looked to the other two commanders standing behind him. They looked upset by my choice. Their faces looked as if they were saddened to see such talent go to waste. They filed out, just as they came, one by one.

I looked over to Levi, he was smirking to himself. "Why didn't they ask you what division you wanted to join?" I pressed. "What are you so happy about?"

"I don't have a choice in what division I join. I made the agreement with corporal Erwin Smith that for bringing me out of the underground, I would join the Survey Corps. In fact, I served one out of the walls mission with them before they sent me here." His face suddenly darkened. I knew I should stop asking questions. Based on his expression, he was done talking. I didn't want to press him more than he was willing to go. In the end, I hope the others didn't choose my route, because I know that this route means death.


	23. 23 - Carriage

The pain of bruises and scrapes faded within those three days, and I was told as long as I don't do anything entirely reckless in the next few weeks my concussion should heal as well. As for my ribs, it was going to be at least a month and a half before they were feeling up to par.

I looked back at Levi, who had no personal possessions to speak of to pack up before we moved. It was just us, sitting outside in the practice field outside near the gravel path, waiting for Commander Shadis to show up. Everyone else who selected the Survey Corps would have left that very night they selected. Of course there were quite a few other injured soldiers from our final who had stayed a few extra days in the infirmary, many of the injuries were thanks to Levi and I. We received many well-deserved dirty looks these past few days.

There we were, sitting in the dirt. I had a small bag of assorted clothes and books. Levi with the clothes on his back and the wrap around his sprained ankle. Both of us still looking like we've been to hell and back.

We had been sitting there for about five minutes, and the silence was already deafening. I'm not a huge one for small talk, but awkward silence is worse.

I looked straight across the road we were sitting in front of to the large expanse of forest Levi and I used to spend our nights in. "Where do you think the others ended up?" I asked him.

He continued looking straight ahead into the woods, without turning to look at me as I spoke to him. "Well the others were always just as insane as you. And they seem like they'd be willing to follow you to the ends of the earth. And apparently straight to their impending deaths."

"You're probably right. But I hope to God you're not." I looked over to him. He's seemed to clean himself up since I first met him. He's transformed from an unhygienic long haired rat, to something that I would call semi-clean. Although there is very little that can pertain to my standards of living. While his hair was still quite long in comparison to some of the other boys in our corp, he's trimmed it in the back so that it appears very well kept. He's no longer a grease monster, either. Considering how much I used to pester him about his untidiness, I am completely willing to take full responsibility for his amazing transformation.

There were honestly so many things I wanted to say to him. So many things I wanted to tell him. I just need to suppress the feelings. They aren't allowed to exist. They could never exist. Not where we're going. This would probably be one of the last times life would ever be this calm for us. Calm before the storm. Isn't that how the saying goes?

"Did I make the wrong choice?" I asked him.

"Yes."

"Why would you say that?" I murmured in response.

"I've seen outside these walls. Everyone dies to the titans. Period. You'll be eaten one day, as will I. I've already seen many of my friends eaten by these beasts. This isn't a game anymore. It doesn't matter how good you are. You will be forced to watch your friends die, then you will die." I could hear the edge in his voice as he spoke. His eyes stood static on the forest ahead of us. He didn't, no, couldn't even look at me. I was one of those friends.

"But what good am I inside these walls?! We're all going to eventually die to these fucking titans. Might as well die fighting!"

"Tch, whatever you say, brat. I can tell you now that as soon as you leave the safety of these walls and see one of them for the first time, your opinion is going to change real quick."

I saw the carriage round the corner. Levi stood up, and offered a hand to help me up. Reluctantly, I accepted the outstretched hand, knowing full well the extensiveness of my injuries.

The carriage parked directly in front of where we were standing. It rumbled on the gravel to a halt. Commander Shadis opened the side door, and both Levi and I saluted him as he stepped out.

"At ease soldiers. Our headquarters is about a day and a half journey from here. We'll be stopping for the night in a small town along the way. When we arrive you'll be assigned squads to train with on a daily basis. These squads will also be those who you fight with on our missions outside the walls. When we arrive, the real work begins. I hope you cadets are prepared."

"Yes sir," we both replied.

"Well, climb aboard then."

Inside the carriage, I noticed a tall, built, blond haired man, probably not much older than Levi or I. After settling in, the Commander introduced us. "This is Corporal Erwin Smith. Treat him as an extension of myself."

And there we were, off on a journey to certain death that none of us would return.


	24. 24 - Dust

I slept most of the journey. I find sleep a suitable way to be (more or less) productive for long periods of time with nothing to do. The journey was dull and long, but our arrival however, was quite the opposite. When the coachman made declared the headquarters within sight, I couldn't help myself. I fought through the pain in my upper abdominal area and leaned out the window to get a better look.  
To my utter surprise, I found myself looking at what seemed to be a massive palace just sitting alone in the woods, not even close to any sort of civilization. The grey stone bricks that made up the tower reached hundreds of feet in the air. I guess you could say the government treated their sacrifices for the slaughter well before their sentence to death. This will be my home to the day I die.

"I know we only just arrived, but sadly there is no rest for those in our line of duty," Commander Shadis told Levi and I moments after our feet hit the plush grass. "Since you are number one in your class, you will both be placed in the same squad under Squad Leader Kuehl. A woman, I would guess to be in her later thirties, started making her way towards us. She had jet black hair, tied up neatly in a bun right on top of her head. She was thin, but extremely muscular. Her eyes were an emerald green color, but her posture and expression gave off the appearance of someone cold and calculating; willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done.

As she approached, she let her eyes flicker over her new recruits, first examining me, then over to Levi. The moment she laid eyes on Levi, her entire demeanor changed. She suddenly seemed very tense, almost nervous. Her eyes immediately moved away. Did she know Levi? I guess he was in the survey corps for a bit before coming to the training corps. There's something he's not telling me, but I won't push him for information because there's obviously a reason.

Squad Leader Kuehl cleared her throat. "Commander Shadis," she saluted.

"At ease Kuehl. This are your new recruits. Top of their class. You should have a great time with them." Kuehl was not making eye contact with Levi, and Levi was sure making it a point to look down at the ground rather than anyone who was talking to us.

"If you'll follow me this way, I get you set up in your rooms and give you your uniforms." Kuehl spun towards the castle without saying another word. She quickly strode to the large, rounded wooden door. As if she wanted to make as little interaction with Levi and I as possible. Considering we have to work together for at the very least the next several months, I am hoping the tension between her and Levi does not endure for long.

Considering the massiveness of the outside of the building, the inside was quite underwhelming. What looked like an extravagant palace from the outside felt more like a dungeon on the inside. The walls were formed from large square stones. Every few steps there was a lit oil burning lamp on the wall to make up for the lack of natural sunlight. Corridors were quite small, and ceilings low, creating a feeling of claustrophobia. Every breath I took felt musty and old. I wanted to scrub myself clean just walking through the area.

I glanced to Levi. He faced forward, expression unwavering. As per his usual. Of course he's probably been here before.

The stairs in this building were no better than the rest of the building. I questioned the last time this place had been swept, or at the very least dusted. In the corner of the very bottom step, I recognized something that resembled a dead mouse. It was too matted for me to have a real look at it. I looked upwards at the spiral staircase. The base of the stairs were wood boards, supported by thin pieces of rusted iron that normally I would not trust to support my weight. There was a railing of more rusted iron, but I did not want that orange filth on my hands. The stairs could barely fit people walking single file, so I continued after Kuehl, with Levi close behind me.

After two flights, Kuehl left the stairway and proceeded through a stone arch just off to the right. Through more musty dark corridors and past wooden doors full of most likely more dust, she led us into a door that looked exactly the same as all the others. It was a small, cramped room with nothing more than two beds and a two-layered wooden shelf.

"This will be your room," Kuehl flatly stated. "There are two others in our squad, they are in the room to the left. I'm across the hall. You're uniforms are on the beds. I'll see you two tomorrow for formation practice bright and early." With that she left our grey and windowless room, leaving Levi and I completely lost.

I laid my small leather pack on the bed on the right, as it was the one I was standing closer to. I looked over to Levi, who was still staring at the door. I'll ask him about it later.

"So… Since you've been here and our squad leader scares the living shit out of me, when's dinner?"

He smirked at me, but I could tell by the look in his eye there were lurking memories from this place that only brought pain.


	25. 25 - Habits

Through more disgusting hallways of the Survey Corps headquarters, Levi walked us into a beautifully large open space for eating. It had high arched ceilings that could only be compared to those of a church. There were dozens of tables, all holding loud, obnoxious, and maybe even a few drunk soldiers. Natural light from the sunset outside gave a dim lighting to the room as there were beautiful skylights on top of the arched ceiling. One of the few rooms that had any sort of natural sunlight. The stone walls, however, seemed to be covered in a thin layer of grime or mold, creating what looked like a rust stain dripping look to many of the walls. I just wanted to go and scrub down the whole building. Pushing any thoughts of how much dirt currently surrounded me, I started over towards the tables in the corner of the room holding our food for the night. Potatoes and bread. Not overly exciting, and about the same thing we had on a daily basis at training camp.

I filled a plate and scanned the room. This is where I got to meet everyone. Who all made the same horrid decision I did and decided to join the Survey Corps? To my horror, my eyes stopped as I saw Levi's short stature and dark hair next to a taller woman with her dark brown hair tied up in a mess of a ponytail. Hanji. I scanned the rest of the table hoping beyond hope not to see anyone else I knew. Petra's red hair stuck out like a sore thumb right next to Hanji. Across the table sat Gunther and Eld, always inseparable. Then there was Mike, sniffing at the bread sat before him, like an animal testing food before putting it anywhere near his face. I wanted to be happy that I wouldn't lose my friends in my switch from Training Corps to Survey Corps, but seeing them here only scared the shit out of me. Levi being so fucking paranoid here doesn't help comfort me at all knowing they're here.

I stride over to the table, trying my best to put on a happy face for them. I put my hand on Petra's shoulder as I take the seat next to her.

"I can't believe you guys are here!" I did my best to sound enthusiastic about the situation.

Petra wrapped me up in a hug. "Hey! So glad to see you made it here in one piece, or survived at least!" Everyone laughed.

"Hey, there's something I've been meaning to ask you guys. How come the ward was empty when Levi and I came to? Was no one else injured?"

Hanji leaned forward into the table. "That room was packed for a solid two days! Or at least, up until the choosing ceremony when we all had to pack up and leave. You guys were still out of it by the time everyone had received their assignments. I was in there the first night. Gotta tell ya they really did a number on me. I wasn't as bad as you guys were, though. You guys did the brunt of the work."

The shock was obviously written all over Levi and my faces. "Two days?!" I practically shouted. I had thought we had only been out for a few hours. Laugher filled the table once again, overpowering any emotions that I felt before coming to the table. As much as I hate them joining the Survey Corps, I'm glad they're here. I don't know what I'd do without them.

We had the usual small talk, mostly about what we thought of the new facilities. Everyone else had already met their new squads, and they seemed to be enjoying themselves thus far.

I looked past the boys on the opposite side of the table to the veteran soldiers sitting at a table just behind them. They were quite obviously intoxicated. Just as I started to think that my worry was all for nothing and that the Survey Corps really couldn't be that bad, I looked a little closer at one of the veterans nearest to me. He was probably in his mid to late twenties. His hair was blonde and shaggy on top, but he had a brown, short cut undercut. Looking closer on his face, I could see lines of age, but it was really more than that. It was lines of age you would see on someone who was maybe in their early fifties. His eyes seemed lively and joyful as he grabbed his neighbor's shoulders and started shouting some nonsense at him, but underneath you could see something worn and tired. It was like nothing I had ever seen before, but that was where we were all inevitably headed. Drinking the pain away.

I looked back up at all my classmates, my friends. We were all young, around the age of seventeen. This was the path we decided.

The sun had gone down, and the room had grown almost completely dark. I decided to start heading back to my room. If I could find it.

I headed for the door I think Levi and I came out of, when I felt a hand grab my wrist. Normally I would have jerked away and took an uppercut towards the face, but just based on the touch, I could tell it was Levi. He started pulling me away down a different corridor, and I already knew that even though we had left behind the Training Corps, old training habits die hard.


	26. 26 - Formation

My entire body rebelled against me as I heard the loud thudding of a fist against the door. "Rise and shine Greenies! Time for training. I squinted my eyes open, not that it made much of a difference, the room was completely dark. With no windows, night within the room looked exactly the same as day. My whole body hurt from training with Levi last night, and my body had still not fully recovered from our final the other day. With the state I'm in, I bet I'm going to make a really good impression on my new squad.

I let my right arm and leg slip off the edge of my bed, just more or less half on half off the bed. I keep myself wrapped in my blankets as my toes hit the cold stone ground. I swing my other leg around to follow, slowly but surely making my way out of bed. I always hated mornings. With my blankets still around me, I felt blindly around the room, trying to find the pile that was my uniform. I could hear Levi rustling on the other side of the room, but dark as it was I couldn't see him. I quick changed from my oversized shirt that I wear to bed to my uniform, praying that he didn't go lighting any lamps or opening any doors in the process.

As I finished tying off the last strap on my harness, Levi commented from across the room, "Ready?" I hoped it was by mere chance that he happened to comment exactly when I finished dressing.

"Let's go," I quickly replied.

Even though it has only been one day, I feel like I'm finally starting to understand the seemingly random twists and turns throughout the massive castle.

We slowly opened the massive wooden doors to the outside world, and were immediately blinded by the day's immense light. I shielded my eyes as we made our way further into the dried out courtyard. To the left there was a smaller building, most likely holding weaponry and other materials for training. To the right was a barn, holding our horses. I saw Kuehl leaning up against the side of the small weaponry building, talking to two other men who I could not make out much detail.

I looked over to Levi, whose mind seemed to be racing. He was glancing every which way, as if keeping watch for someone.

A couple yards away, Kuehl caught sight of us and stood up straight, hands behind her back. The two men turned around as if to see what had caused her sudden change in attitude. They both went wide eyed, as if no one had told them we would be joining their squad.

Keuhl cleared her throat. "Good morning recruits. This is your new squad. Meet Oluo and Uwe."

She gestured to the two befuddled men stood before her. Uwe had long dark brown hair, if not almost black, down to his shoulders. It was slightly wavy, and very much unkept. I looked over to Oluo, whom I recognized at once. The drunk man from dinner last night. He probably doesn't remember me, but I most definitely remember him.

"Alright, we're gonna start out with some sparring. Oluo, you face Levi," Kuehl looked over to me. "You'll be against Uwe."

Uwe was tough, extremely tough. If I wasn't so exhausted, I'm sure it would have been a more even match. Levi, on the other hand, looks like he got lucky because by the time that I had finished fighting Uwe, Oluo was already sitting nursing some bruises on his ribs.

"Usually right about now we'd be taking our 3DM gear and working on our maneuvering through that forest," Kuehl gestured to the forest surrounding us on all sides as Uwe and I made our way back over to Levi and Oluo. "Sadly, our shipment of gasoline was delayed a few extra days because Shadis hasn't been around the past week or so. So instead we'll be heading inside and I'll explain some of our formations to you two newcomers. Oluo and Uwe, you two could probably use a refresher.

Staying on the first floor, we made our way to the mess hall and opened one of the adjoining doors. It was a smaller, dimly lit room with shelves of books lining one of the stone walls. In the center sat a table, surrounded by 6 chairs.

Kuehl sat at the head of the table, while Levi and I took the two chairs closest to the door. Olou plopped down across from me, and Uwe slid into the seat next to him.

Kuehl reached into her front pant pocket and pulled out five red chips and placed them on the table.

"Our position in the Survey Corps pack in on the front left side. Once out on the feild, we will have no contact with the center ring. Our objective is to protect those in the center, escorting whatever scientists or important cargo we carry with us. Our positions is one of the most dangerous, and we will come across titans quite frequently. As far as individual positions go," Kuehl placed the chips on the table, a square formation and an additional chip in the center back, "I plan on having Uwe and Levi in the front." She gestured to the first two chips. "Levi you'll be on the inside, Uwe on the outside. Uwe get used to working with Levi, because when a titan comes up you two will be the first to attack. You and Oluo will be in the next row, as our backup. If anything happens to either of them, both of you head in. I'll be in the back, calling shots. Our first expedition as a squad will be in two weeks. Any questions?"

"No ma'am," we responded.

"Alright, dismissed for the evening."

I stood, only to let my mind run rampant with anything and everything that could possibly go wrong out there.


	27. 27 - Last

The following two weeks came and went as if it were a sudden cold front in the middle of winter. Our squad mates never really seemed to open up to neither Levi nor I. It wasn't like we were putting forth much of an effort to get to know them personally anyway. Based on the constant stares and tone we were both given, Levi because of some unknown event in his recent past and I because of affiliation to Levi, there was seemingly not much we could do to warm the frozen waters.

Levi and I had each other on our squad, and we both still had all our old training corps friends to be with during off hours. I learned from Petra shortly after our first training session that all the new recruits would not be joining the next expedition outside the walls, so they would have more time to prepare themselves. Everyone was staying behind, except us. We were still required to go.

Through all the 3DM gear work, combat training, and late night hours with Levi, I kept reminding myself there was a pretty solid chance that I would not return from this expedition. I could feel myself losing my grip on what little reality I had to start with here in this world. I feel as if I'm falling through a pit. My stomach churns as I scream in my own mind, wanting to revoke my choice, wanting to go back and time and change that decision to jump down the hole. I don't know when I will hit the bottom, but when I do, I want it to be without regret.

The night before the expedition. Dinner was quiet and somber. Everyone knew what tomorrow held, and everyone knew how likely it was that the person sitting next to them would not be there in a week. Even my friends who weren't going were in rough shape. Petra was practically worse than I was. I think it would be safe to say she's my best friend. She tried her best to look composed, but based on the way her hands trembled when she ate and her face completely pale obviously gave hint to the fact that she did not want Levi and I going anywhere tomorrow.

After few words exchanged and some sorrowful glances, I couldn't take it anymore. The atmosphere of the dining hall, the aura of my friends, and my own personal feelings made me want to do nothing more than crawl under some sheets and get one night of rest.

I usually waited for Levi outside the dining hall so we could go do our nightly training and tea out in the surrounding woods, but not tonight. I needed tonight to me. I ambled down the hall, in no rush. I knew there was little way that I would be able to sleep tonight. I opened my bedroom door and used my backside to push it closed. I climbed into my bed and just sat with my back against the wall. The room was completely dark, and for once the isolation felt good, like for the first time I was at peace, and quite possibly the last. I closed my eyes, only to find myself drifting off to sleep.

I suddenly awake to someone resting their hand on my wrist. No, not tonight, please Levi is all I can think.

"Come on," his lips brushed my ears, whispering as if there was someone else sleeping with us in the room. "I have something to show you."

My heart skipped a beat and my face grew warm. I intertwined my fingers in his and slid out of bed.

He pulled me through halls and halls of stone brick. Opening seemingly randoms doors leading to other musty halls. The grime and dirt made me claustrophobic.

He finally paused in front of a seemingly normal door, and glanced back anxiously at me. My heart sped up, I had no idea what he had planned. He pressed open the door, to a massive dark library. It looked as if it hadn't been used in years. The skylights on the ceiling lit up the two story library. The two stone stairways in the center curved towards the outside of the room. With wooden pillars, walls lined with bookshelves, and a gorgeous view of the stars, this room was incredibly peaceful.

He released my hand and walked to a short table in the center of the room. He kneeled in front of it, and poured two metal cups of tea from a metal kettle sitting on the table. I sat across from him, taking the warmth in my hands. I sniffed the cup. This was no pine needle tea. This was the same tea we had back at the Training Corps. I sipped on the tea, enjoying each taste.

Levi leaned backwards, one hand behind him, the other holding the cup of tea.

"So," Levi started trying to make conversation. "What made you want to join the Survey Corps. You had any division at your fingertips. Seems like an odd choice to me."

This was my opportunity, to really find out what was going on around here. Levi's mood, how the others here treated him, and his uncanny knowledge of the facility. "Fine," I stated. "I'll share my sob story if you share yours."

He gave me a small smirk. "Fine. You first."

I shifted through my memory trying to figure where to begin. "You could say I was born into the military." I started. "My mother and father were both squad leaders here in the Survey Corps. Assumingly, this headquarters was where I was born. Of course, the Survey Corps was no place for a child. A few months after my birth, both of my parents disappeared during an expedition, and weren't heard from since. I have no knowledge of my parents, nor of this place. After their deaths I was placed in an orphanage in the countryside of Wall Maria. We could barely afford to eat, so many times we grew and hunted our own food. When I hit the age of twelve, I enrolled in the military, planning to continue my family's legacy, even if I don't remember them. Those damn titan's stole my childhood, and I'll be certain that no one ever has to suffer again because of them." I realized the entire story I had just been staring into my cup. I glanced up at him. "Your turn."

He started rubbing his sleeve between his opposite hand's forefinger and thumb. "Well you know my beginnings by now. I was raised in the underground. My mother perished in childbirth, so Kenny came and stood in as a father figure in my life. Taught me how to fight for myself. Eventually he disappeared off the face of the earth, so I was fending for myself there for awhile. After a while I met Farlan, and we started stealing from business owners who cheated the poor out of money and gave it back to them in what ways we could. We got our hands on some 3DM gear from some Military Police, which greatly helped our cause. That's when we met Isabell. She was free spirited, but always wanted to help people. Eventually we were recruited by some high government official I can't remember to off Erwin Smith, second in command to Commander Shadis in return for money and the opportunity to start a new life on the surface. After a failed assassination attempt on our part, Erwin struck us a deal. Join the Survey Corps and come to the surface, and we'll forgive your crimes. Of course we accepted, because our offer with the high government official still stood on the table. Our first expedition was a nightmare. Living hell. I wanted to protect Farlan and Isabel, but by abandoning them in order to get close to Erwin, I left them in harm's way and they and the rest of my squad were killed by titans. I will say I was never the same after that, so Erwin sent me off to training camp, hoping to help. Many of the current Survey Corps members feel especially responsible, considering they more or less just froze watched." He tensed up, clenching his sleeve in a fist. "Erwin talked me into staying with him. I realized that I could do some good in this world in the Survey Corps. So I stayed."

I laid back, not really saying anything in response. I looked up at the stars. They've always given me hope, even when there felt like none. I heard Levi stand and walk off. Seems typical of him. To my surprise, he laid himself down next to me. And that's where we fell asleep. Quite possibly our last night, but I couldn't imagine spending it any other way.


	28. 28 - Out

I stared at the massive wooden gates before me. Just beyond those walls was the peril like no one had ever seen. I honestly wasn't quite sure what to expect myself. Never before have I felt so claustrophobic within these walls. I wanted to escape, and yet I knew the horror stories.

"Thirty seconds to open gate!" I heard Shadis yell over the crowd. My heart sped up.

"More wasted taxes on the Survey Corps" "How many people died on their last trip?" "Yeesh, a bunch of suicidals that group"

I couldn't wait. Escape. Death. Escape. Death escape death escape death escape death escape dea-

"Mikasa look! It's the Survey Corps!"

I feel like something inside me snapped. I whipped around to see a small brown haired boy and a black haired girl in a red scarf. The young boy was looking up at me, hope in his eyes. My muscles relaxed, and for some reason I found myself smiling.

"Open the gate" Shadis called from the front of our formation. I turned to the front, with a newfound determination that seemingly came out of nowhere.

I looked over to Levi, who was staring at me. He was completely pale, and his eyes screamed in terror. When he saw me glance at him, he immediately turned towards the large gate climbing towards the sky. The face he made gave me chills. He had seen the outside world, and based on that look I was in for a ride.

"ADVANCE" came the roar from Shadis, and all at once hundreds of horse hooves thundered within the small village. I faced the front, thrilled and terrified. I stared upwards at the massive arch as I passed under it. It could be the last time I saw anything like it. For the very first time, I stepped outside the walls, not having known any other world. The air smelled fresh and free, the land open and untouched by human hand. With the sunrise painting the sky red, orange, and pink, it was hard to imagine bloodthirsty monsters lurking behind each corner.

The mission was supposed to be a tedious and long one. My squads was towards the front of our formation, meant to cover the scientists, mappers, and leaders in the center of the group. With more than a kilometer between each of the squads, we were completely and utterly on our own. If we died, no one would know until we returned. We were supposed to continuously ride throughout the day, and when the sun was hidden beyond the horizon we would stop and make camp, switching off watch duty. Titans were supposedly more inactive during the night anyway. Levi looked like he was about to lose his shit. He kept glancing at me, as if to make sure I was still here. Oluo, Uwe, and Kuehl seemed completely uninterested in neither me nor Levi. As beautiful as the outside world was, this was going to be one long journey.

We rode onwards in silence. Nothing to do but get lost in my own thoughts. Why was I really here? In the Survey Corps? I had made up my mind to join them for as long as I can remember. Sure, my parents died to the titans, but I don't even know them, nor who they are. I didn't have a bad childhood. It wasn't the best of situations, but others have had it worse. Was the feeling of vengeance towards my parents really great enough to keep me fighting on when all seems lost? I looked over to Levi, his black hair blowing with the wind, staring unrelentingly forward. What was his motive? What kept him going? Revenge? Hope?

Gorgeous colors filled the sky as night drew near. It looked like something out of a dream. Maybe that's all this is. A dream.

"Alright," Kuehl called out, "We'll set up camp here for tonight. Uwe, I'll have you on the first shift. Uluo, the second. I'll take the third."

As far as I could tell, she purposefully didn't put Levi or I on a shift. If she would have, we all could have gotten more sleep. Maybe it's only because it's our first time out. Maybe.

We stopped in the middle of a large clearing near the edge of a large forest. We were to enter the woods tomorrow according to the formation plans. We were to enter first and kill off any awaiting titans to keep the center safe. We were to remain out of the forest so we could see any possible abnormal titans from a distance.

I laid out my bedroll, and Levi laid next to me. There was a clear division amongst us. Uwe, Oluo, and Kuehl had laid their mats near each other at the very edge of the woods, and we laid ours out another twenty feet away, as far away from the forest we could get without being completely separated from the group. I had struck up a fire to keep us warm, and I did my best to fall asleep in this god forsaken hellhole. Who knows what tomorrow could hold for us? All I knew was that if I didn't get enough sleep, I would regret it a hundred times over tomorrow, quite possibly even with my life. I cleared my thoughts and only focused on the sound of the rustling leaves before me.


	29. 29 - Death

I woke up coughing and unable to breath. It took me a minute to realize what the hell was going on and regain full consciousness.

Kuehl had kicked me in the stomach to wake me. KICKED ME. She told me I wouldn't wake up, but I know better. I am a light sleeper. There's no way I could sleep through someone just shaking my shoulder a little or even yelling above me.

I gasped for every breath, and that alone was enough to get Levi up and ready in full panic mode. Kuehl would never even dare to try something so cruel to Levi, but she knew she could hurt Levi through me.

He glared up at her, his eyes on fire, full of rage, as if she were a titan herself.

"Let's get a move on little shits," Kuehl spat. The more time we spent with her, the worse it got. It seems that she could tolerate Levi at first, but there was something going on in her head that just made those knots of sanity slowly unwind on themselves. And we were supposed to be a team.

With a whole lot of pain in my abdomen, I got on top of my horse, and we rode into the forest, towards the sunrise.

The forest was still. No, it was more than still. Dead. There was no breeze, no birds, no animals, nothing. Just silence. The forest was huge, however. As if it had been around for thousands of years. The trees stood dozens of meters tall and were round like massive barrels. Dead leaves crunched under the hooves of the horses. The forest felt so open and free, and yet I felt crushed under its weight.

All wonder suddenly broke and shattered into shocked horror. I noticed. Before Levi before Kuehl before Uwe before Oluo. I noticed. And yet. I couldn't do anything. I froze. Out of fear. Out of shock. Maybe even out of amazement. There were three of them. We were surrounded, and no one had any idea. My horse, sensing my fear, reared up and bucked me off, taking off between two of them. I couldn't speak. I couldn't do anything but inch backwards and point. The others stopped to look at me, but it made no difference. It was too late.

They all started sprinting straight at us. "Shit! Three abnormals?" Kuehl yelled. She looked down at me. "What the fuck are you doing get-"

Dead. One five meter class had leap high into the air and smashed it's face down on top of Kuehl and her horse. Only meters away from me.

Blood. Her blood. On me. On it. On the ground. Dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead.

Couldn't move. Nothing. Uwe. Took the one near me down. Closest one reduced him to a lower half. Blood. Titan. Had me in its grasp. Ten meter. This. Where I end. This is. The end. Dead. Death. Blood. Uwe. Kuehl. Levi. Sorry.

Closed eyes. Couldn't do anything. Couldn't DO ANYTHING. Not even scream. Tears. It's mouth. Dark. Void. Hell. End.

Levi. Had me in his arms. The titan smoke. Crashed to ground. Fear relief warmth shock.

Levi laid on top of me. His eyes full of fear. I was lucky. I was safe. I wasn't dead. Alive. My chest felt like it was about to burst. I laid there, him on top of me, sobbing. I… I… I reached out and pulled his face down towards mine. I couldn't contain myself any longer. We only have so long to live might as well live it to the fullest. His lips fell into mine. The feeling I had lusted for for so long. Warmth trickled down my spine. He was so soft and gentle. His hands wrapped around my head and fed through my hair. I had never wanted anything more in my entire life. I wanted to submerge myself into him. To let all feelings go and simply be released. I laid out my fucking heart and soul, screaming take them. I placed my arms around his neck. Drawing him nearer to me. I never wanted to let go.

He pulled back, looking down on me. He breathed a sigh of relief, and rolled off me, laying down next to me. He grabbed my hand and entwined his fingers in mine, and I placed my head over his shoulder. Neither of us said a word. We just stared up at the glittering world.


	30. 30 - Depress

The units behind us would eventually reach our location. We knew if we waited they would eventually pass through the area. We collected what bodies we could, what bodies were left, and even that seemed to be an overstatement. The titans had already vaporized, leaving no traces. As if everyone had died for nothing.

Surprisingly enough, Oluo managed to take down the last titan by himself, sustaining no life threatening or major injuries. The others, however, were not as lucky. In fact, there wasn't really any trace of any of them besides a left knee down that I believe once belonged to Kuehl. And the blood. It was hard to avoid. It was everywhere.

We collected what little possessions we could find scattered about. The horses were long gone. Ran off at the first sign of danger.

Then we waited quietly. No one wanted to speak. The silence felt like a safe blanket, shielding us from whatever had just happened. There was nothing to talk about.

I couldn't help but feel responsible. I saw them, a solid couple of seconds before anyone else had. If I would have just called out, maybe everyone's lives would have been spared. They were good soldiers. No one deserves such a ghastly ending. Their blood was on my hands, and that was a fact that I would have to live with the rest of my life. I looked down to my hands. It may have been some time since the incident, but they were still violently shaking. I don't know if they'd ever stop. Levi, sitting next to me, without saying a word just grabbed my hand and squeezed it in his. That was all I needed, the reassurance of his presence. I was not alone.

The squad behind us showed up, and we doubled up on a few horses. Luckily there were no questions asked of the other squad, nor any further incidents.

The rest of the trip felt more like a blur than anything. I only spoke when spoken to. The outside world was as beautiful as it was deadly.

I had never been so happy to see the walls as I was when we arrived back. As we rode back into town, everyone was silent. We had carriages hauling pieces of what used to be soldiers. The villagers were scornful. All they thought when they looked at us was wasted tax money, and at this point it doesn't feel like they're wrong. What was accomplished? Nothing. We only traversed parts that we had already visited. We learned nothing new about our enemy. A third of our members died this expedition, and for what?

I took two days off, just shutting myself in Levi and my room. I just needed some time. Levi was quietly supportive from the sidelines. We ended up pushing our beds together. It was just so cold and lonely otherwise. The moments he held me in his arms were the moments I lived for.

After climbing out of my little hole of self pity, I realized that, yes, I was still a member of the Survey Corps, and woah, it was still my job to do my fucking job.

In my little huddle of depression, I figured that our current system that we have now isn't functioning as efficiently or effectively as it probably should be. That was made quite obvious by the fact that so many of our troops died. With no current squad, I decided to be of aid to Erwin, who seems to have made it his life goal to develop better strategies for the Survey Corps' expeditions. I have always been a mathematical and calculated person. I want to know exactly how something works and once I have it down to a science, I can perfect it. Levi and I continued our night sessions, but I approached it with a new found drive. I would not let anyone die without purpose. I would not be the cause of any more suffering.

I begged Commander Shadis for materials and resources to begin developing new weaponry. After weeks of nagging, he agreed to set aside a portion of our budget for developing new technologies. He placed me at the head of this department. I grabbed what willing persons I could and we began on many projects. Our first real project was a flare gun. One could load cartridges up into a small pistol, and it would shoot off smoke trails depending on the cartridge. For the first time, we had some form of communication between different squads while on the battlefield. I spent my mornings with Erwin developing formations, afternoons in the lab, and nights with Levi developing tactics to use against the titans in combat. For the first time in years, I felt like I was at home, and I was doing something that could contribute to something larger.


	31. 31 - Beginning

I hated mornings. I reached over to the other side of the bed, trying to find Levi. Of course he wasn't there. He was always an early bird, wanting to get things done from the crack of dawn. I however, could not. Rolling out of bed at the crack of noon and being 100% exhausted was what I was known for best.

Eventually I swung my legs over the side of the bed and got dressed. It was around lunchtime anyway, I may as well just head down and get something to eat.

Petra was in the mess hall; she smiled sweetly as she waved me over. We sat and chatted as I at the greens in front of me.

"So," Petra started with a mouth full of salad, "Any word about when the next expedition will be?"

"Petra we got back only three months ago. It takes at least half a year to plan out an expedition."

"I know, I just, uh, want to know what it's like. I just feel so helpless sitting here."

"Please, you're helping me in the lab along with Mike, isn't that something? Trust me, it's not worth going outside these walls."

I felt someone's thumbs press into the pressure points under my shoulder blades. "AaaaHA" I screeched.

"Hey Hun!" Hanji yelled as she smashed her cheek into mine from behind me. "I'm still unbelievably jealous, you know. What I would give to see a real titan close and personal." Hanji slide into the seat next to me.

"Hanji, stop, you're only going to get yourself killed," I rebuked.

"SpeAKING of getting killed, hows Levi doing? I saw you guys pushed your beds together."

She winked, sticking her tongue out.

My face immediately flushed. "Nothing's happened!" I retorted, pressing my face very close to hers, as if threatening her to shut the hell up.

She batted me away with a small wave of her hand, "Yet," she said smiling.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Either of you know what time it is?" I asked.

Hanji pulled out a watch, "About 12:45."

"Shit! I'm late for my meeting with Erwin!" I stood up so fast my chair fell backwards. "Take care of my dishes bye!" I yelled to Petra and Hanji on my way out of the mess hall.

I sprinted around corners, only tripping once on the stairs. I burst into the meeting hall, looking like a lunatic and complete disaster. "Heh, sorry Erwin."

"I expected nothing less. Let's get started," he said without even looking up from his papers.

It was a fairly large room, in comparison to some of the others in the headquarters. While yes, it was still lit by oil lamps on stone walls, it seemed more open, less claustrophobic. There was one long table in the center; it could probably seat somewhere around 20 people. The walls were lined with different shelves, holding seemingly important documents.

We sat down and talked, maybe only an hour or two. We came up with a few different formations. We planned out which squads were to be placed where, veterans towards the front, new recruits in the back. Through the usage of flares, we could altogether avoid titans rather than attempt to make an attack. As well as that, we could coordinate efforts in the event of battle.

"As much as I love these meetings, I'm supposed to attend another meeting with Shadis and the Military police in fifteen minutes, and unlike someone, I do not intend to be late," Erwin said with finality, pushing back his chair. Just before passing through the door, he paused, "Oh, I almost forgot, how are the titan restrainment cannons coming along?"

"We're still in the design phase, but they should be prototyped in the next month or so."

"Glad to hear it." With that, he walked out, and I slammed my notebook shut, filing it carefully onto one of the many dusty shelves. One day I'd make it to this room on my cleaning rounds.

I have gotten into the habit of spending an hour or so each day tearing apart some hallway or room and just scrubbing it clean. After about a month in this hell hole, I couldn't take it anymore, things needed to be scrubbed and scrubbed now. I have always wanted to be in complete and utter control, and I could never truly feel at ease unless my environment around me was controlled by me.

I started down towards my lab, preparing to find that nothing has been done without myself being present. I press through the double doors into the old library, which has been converted into my lab, I look up at the skylight, always serving as a reminder.

Not surprisingly, I found everyone standing around the center table just talking.

"Hanji! Petra! I leave you here for an hour and you can't manage to get one thing done?!" I yell from the door. "Alright everyone back to work, I promised Erwin a working prototype by the end of the month."

Everyone shuffled back to their stations. In addition to Petra and Hanji, there were four others in our lab, Anna, Willis, Margo, and Felda. We all spent the next several hours doing some scale testing of our different possible designs, as well as joking and fooling around, as per our usual.

Exhausted, we all trudged down to dinner and ate whatever it was they served us. I think it was some sort of potato soup, although one can never be to certain.

Near the end of the meal, I saw Levi leaning against a doorframe, just watching me. I rose from my seat and headed over in his direction.

Since my lab had taken over our old meeting location of the library, we had to find a new spot for our nightly meetups. Obviously, our room was nowhere near large enough, however, we managed to convince Shadis to give us a room on the third floor, one of the few larger rooms with a window. We put mats down and low coffee table to hold our nightly tea.

Upon arrival, we wordlessly began to stretch out. After a minute or two we stood across from each other on top of the mats.

"Ready?" Levi asked.

"Go," I answered.


	32. 32 - Warmth

I was laying on top of him, both of us completely drenched in sweat. My forearm was pressing into his throat. "I win this time, bastard," I rasped. I pressed my forehead against his, removing my arm from his throat.

"Maybe next time I won't go so easy on you," he teased. He lifted his hand, raking it through my hair, placing it on the back of my neck. He drew me in, his lips brushed mine. I grabbed his bottom lip between mine, running my tongue along the inside of his lip.

I pulled back and stood up, offering my hand to help him up. "Tea?" I asked.

"Sure."

I walked over to our little table in front of the floor to ceiling window. We had the kettle sitting on some hot stones so it should still be warm. It was a dark but clear night. A new moon. You could see every star in the sky. He sat down next to me, and I curled up close to him. I had to treasure this time while it lasted because soon we'd be out there again, and I don't know if I could bare to lose him.

"So what did you do all day today?" I asked.

"Only the usual. We got a few new recruits, which I was put in charge of showing the ropes for some ass reason."

"I'm sure you scared the shit out of them."

"Do I train new recruits any other way?"

I pulled in closer, he always smelled so good. My time with Levi was my time to decompress. So much has happened in these past few months; it felt like a whirlwind. I had the complete faith of many of my superiors, even though I have only been on one expedition. Not to mention Levi at my side. I was surrounded by trusting friends and colleagues, and I honestly don't think anything could ruin life as it is now.

"Hey," my lips brushed against Levi's ear. "Do you maybe wanna go back to the room a little early today?"

He turned and looked at me to see if I was serious, letting out a sly smile. Wordlessly, he grabbed my hand and we weaved our way back to our dark corner of the headquarters.

My heart was pounding, there was a weight on my chest, adrenaline surged through my veins. He slammed the door to the room behind me and pinned my wrists up against it. There was a wild look in his eye; lust, longing. I felt the same way. He let his mouth run up my neck to my mouth, where it lingered for awhile. I removed my hands from him and dug my nails into his chest, pushing him backwards towards the bed. I sat on top of him, my pelvis on top of his. I could feel him getting hard. I took off what upper garments I happened to have on. I leaned forward, tickling his ear with my lips, "Be gentle with me, it's my first time."


	33. 33 - Inside

"For fucks sake get the hell up!" Was not the first thing I wanted to hear in the morning. I also did not appreciate being physically lifted from my bed and carried out the door like a small child.

"Levi, I can walk myself," I moaned, sliding my hand across his cheek in a weak attempt of a slap. He didn't say anything. He just continued to carry me as he ran through the halls.

We made our way outside, and he set me down in front of the machine shed, where many other Survey Corps members were gathered.

"Levi, what the hell is going on," I asked furiously.

"I'll tell you on the way. Get your 3DM gear on and grab your horse." He looked at me, fury in his eyes. He meant it. This was serious.

I strapped in and climbed on my horse. Shadis was towards the front of the group, face completely red, screaming at some nearby soldier. Some in the group were crying, some had the look of death written on their faces. I weaved my way up to the front to find Levi and Erwin, massive bags under his eyes.

"Alright I need some fucking answers now. What the hell is going on?" I yelled grabbing Levi's forearm.

"The titans are inside the fucking walls. Are you happy now?" He sharply retorted.

"Someone please tell me what's really going on."

Erwin turned to me. "He's not lying, they broke through the Shiganshina District," he said, dead serious.

"You expect me to just fucking accept that the walls that have stood for CENTURIES have been compromised," I spat back.

"Well we're not taking the time to fucking explain it to you!" With that, Levi jumped back on his horse and rode off somewhere into the crowd.

It took me a second to realize just how grave this situation really was. If there were titans already within the walls, that means that there are hundreds, no thousands that have perished. Thousands more would be flooding into the already fought over land of Wall Maria, and what were we doing here? Standing and yelling at each other! Even Shadis was being completely useless. No one was taking control and each second wasted meant more death.

I grabbed the roofing on the equipment shed right next to us, and hoisted myself on top. I pulled my flare gun out of my belt, loaded it with a black cartridge, and fired it off into the air with a loud bang.

"Everyone better shut the hell up right now and fucking listen to your orders." Everyone grew silent. Shadis looked up at me, completely mortified to see me doing his job for him. Alright, I want Squads A through J to head out east from the Trost District, and Squads K through Z to head west. Spread yourselves out evenly from wall to wall, maybe putting a mile or so between your squad and the others. Sweep the land, telling any citizen to immediately evacuate to the Utopia district in the north of Wall Rose. Tell them to bring any horses and wagons, but everything and anything else should be left. Outside the Trost District will have the most heavy concentration of titans since the titans are entering from the south. Do not engage the titans. When you see one, fire off your red flare letting other squads know where it is. If it is abnormal, fire off the black one. Avoid titans at all costs. Our job is evacuation at this point, not restoration. Move out!"

Everyone lingered for a second, potentially still confused as to why this one time expeditioner with no titan kills was barking orders.

Suddenly, I hear Shadis yell from below me, "What the fuck are you all waiting for?! Move out now!"

With that, all the horses sped out towards Wall Maria. Hopefully saving the lives of thousands. I climbed down, and Shadis did not say anything. He looked pissed, but at least I wasn't being screamed at for what I just pulled. Levi and I were the only ones not placed on an actual squad at this point. We were supposedly the escort, more or less, for the commander at the recommendation of Erwin. Erwin, Shadis, Levi, and I; we were Squad Z. I was expecting to head out and help with evacuation efforts, but Shadis simply stormed back to headquarters. I wasn't going to question it. I looked over to Levi and Erwin, "Let's go."

There may only be three of us, but we can at least try to do some good. I wouldn't be useless this time around. I would pull my weight. I had prepared.

Luckily, we weren't too far away from the walls. I think that was the intent with this location. It really only took us about fifteen minutes to reach Trost District. Everyone was inside. It was dead silent, eerie. We reached the gate, and passed through, only to behold the true terror of what laid before us.


	34. 34 - Rescue

The village just through the gate was completely destroyed. There was seemingly nothing left. Fire covered almost every building. It seemed there was nothing but flames in splinters left. I slowed my horse to a trot absorbing my surroundings. Then the smell. Words could never describe the odor that suddenly absorbed my whole being. It smelled twisted and evil. It smelled like pure fear and terror. It didn't take me long to discover where the scent was coming from. The streets were littered in it, or should I say them. Burnt corpses, half bloodied bodies, vomited up remains. I was surrounded by a cloud of death and wanted to do nothing more than turn around and head back the way I came.

And yet, the bodies drove me on. I knew that if I didn't pick up speed there would be thousands more with the same fate. I reared my horse, encouraging to take off in a sprint. My horse, Kaneki, was nervous. His ears fluttered about, his tail ceaselessly twitching. We both knew what we would find ahead of us.

I glanced to the two men behind me. Erwin, my been all seen all superior, was white as a sheet. He looked horrified, and dare I say frightened. Levi, on the other hand, was pissed. If possible, he would have lit the town on fire for a second time with simply the anger radiating off his person.

I looked ahead once again. I was ready. More than ready actually, I was anxious. There was nothing I wanted more in that moment than to slaughter some titans.

After exiting the town I oriented us in the western direction. Levi and Erwin let me take the lead on this one. I guess it was my plan after all. Our goal was evacuate and rescue. We weren't supposed to take on any titans unless absolutely necessary, but at this point we all realized there was no way around it. The next village came into sight over the horizon backed by the stain of the setting sun. Even at this distance I could see it. There were at least three 10 meter titans. Who knows how many smaller ones were running around. I was hoping that the squads ahead of us had already checked this town, but based on the fact there are titans still lurking on not trying to find their next victims, there are still people in this village. Why? The squad that probably had tried to help was killed in action. We raced onwards towards our potential doom.

On the outskirts of the village the bodies were already piling up. It seemed like every few steps had to be taken cautiously to avoid dismembered limbs and mangled corpses. We can't engage unless necessary. We can't engage unless necessary.

That's when I heard it - an ear splitting cry of desperation. The left. I launched myself off my horse to the top of the roof in the direction of the sound. There was a titan groping around the inside of a hose with his massive meaty claws. A seven meter. The cries continued, coming from inside the house. My body reacted before my mind, I was swirling towards the titan thanks to my 3DM gear.

My body felt numb, my mind was blank. It was almost as if my body had taken over. I simply needed to sit back and enjoy the ride. I brought the two blades down swiftly without hesitation, ripping through the nape of the titan. I gracefully landed on the roof across from where I had just been, looking down on the steaming mess below. I jabbed one of my 3DM hooks into the roof and swung myself into the house below through the second story window.

"Hello? Anyone here? This is the Survey Corps!" I yelled after getting on my feet.

"Yes…. ple...please! Down here!" I heard someone call between sobs. I raced towards the stairs and jumped the railing blocking the quickest route between me and the lower level. There before me I saw a woman and her two children, one boy and one girl, roughly about eight years old. I let out an audible sigh of relief seeing that they were alright. The woman was grasping the children tightly, and would still not let go even at the sight of me. I walked up to her and put my hand on her shoulder. She tensed.

"It's alright ma'am. You're safe now."


	35. 35 - Dawn

We pressed on like this. Working through the night into the morning. Every once in awhile we would pass a wagon heading back towards Trost, in which we would drop off any civilians we found. Each kill became easier. It already felt like second nature, like this was something I was born to do.

With each kill, Levi seemed to calm down. It was as if killing the titans is what made him sane. Even coated in steaming blood I couldn't help but feel admiration for him.

We eventually reached Utopia district. I reached into my pouch at my side and shot a black flare straight up into the air. Several kilometers away I saw another launched into the air, then another. Our sign for retreat. I turned back towards the gate of Utopia. I knew what I would find through these gates. Tragedy, despair. I wasn't even sure if the survivors had the will to continue on surviving. I launched myself to the top of the wall with the 3DM gear, gazing down at the town below me. The streets were littered with the injured. Some were frantically running about trying to find lost family members. Others were cradling broken or torn ligaments. I sat, swinging my legs over the edge of the wall. Pure and utter chaos. We were already crowded into a small space before this, and now our land has been decreased in half. Just how much more of this can humanity take?

I clenched my fists, nails digging into my callused hands. I alone took down 22 titans today. Out of hundreds. I could have done so much more. I could have…

I felt a tear slip down my cheek. It wasn't out of sadness, but pure rage. I wanted someone to blame for this disaster. Anyone for god's sake. I just.. I just…

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" came the calm and collected voice behind me.

"I'm fine," I spat back.

I heard his footsteps approach from behind. He knelt down next to me, taking my hand into his. "Explain this then, dork." My hands were red with blood. I hadn't even noticed that I managed to slice open my own palms with my nails. His fingers brushed over the four jagged cuts in my hand. He dropped my hand, suddenly filled with rage. I could feel him snap like a twig. He grabbed my cheeks in one hand, spinning my face towards his. "What the HELL were you thinking!" This was only your second mission out in the field! You could have gotten yourself killed." His eyes bore into mine, like a fire of anger burning into my soul.

"I didn't realize you trusted me so little. What on earth was all that goddamn training for then?" I stared into his eyes. This isn't a fight that I was about to back down from. How dare he underestimate me! Did he forget all I had been doing these past few months to help the Corp!

I grabbed his wrist, pushing it away from my face. He responded quickly. He was prepared. He stuck out his other forearm, forcing me onto my back. He was on top of me; his face only inches from mine. I could feel him breathing. Only inches.

"Don't you dare ever fucking leave me," he breathed, pressing his forehead up against mine.

I froze, slightly shocked. I didn't expect that to come next. I let the tension release from my body because for the first time I could see his true motive. It wasn't that he thought I was weak, but he was.

I lifted my bloodied hand and wrapped it around the nape of his neck. I drew his lips down to mine. For a cold blooded killer, his mouth was so warm. He moved his free hand down to my waist, as if he wanted to make sure ever part of me was securely in his grasp. He pressed forward, deepening the kiss. My heart was pounding out of my chest. Every part of me screamed that this was not the time nor the place, but I could barely bring myself to breathe, much less refuse. He was always so gentle, and yet passionate. I wanted him, every part of him; I never wanted to lose him.

If only I would have known.


	36. 36 - Command

We were on our way back towards headquarters. I didn't want to know how many of our soldiers had died. Many of their deaths would fall on my shoulders, and my shoulders alone because, in the end, I was the one who commanded them to act. It wasn't within my power, and yet they followed my orders to their deaths. I may never understand why.

The steady pound of hooves was all that kept me sane. I had said nothing since we left, and I could feel Levi growing uncomfortable. He rode his horse up next to Kaneki, arching a questioning eyebrow as he through a look in my direction. I sped up. I didn't want to look at him. At anyone, for that matter.

The rest of the journey was a blur. My mind was blank. Part of me wished I would have died in Wall Maria. Upon our arrival, a meeting was called in the mess hall of all remaining troops. We organized ourselves into our squads, and did a head count. 7 squads were missing. 13 squads had one or more members missing. 62 people had died that day. 62 lives, their blood on my hands. I felt nauseous. I wanted to bury myself alive. Let me be, I don't deserve to be here any more. I felt a steady hand fall on my shoulder from behind. "This isn't your fault," I heard Levi's voice whisper into my ear. "You only did what was right. Imagine how many lives were saved today."

I didn't deserve these words. Not right now. I wonder how many of these men blame me for the lives lost today. I was about to respond when Commander Shadis called everyone to attention.

"It has come to my attention that I am no longer fit for the position of Commander of the Survey Corps. As of today I am stepping down from the position. I have felt this way for quite some time, and today has only confirmed my suspicions

that I am not fit to lead. As of right now, Erwin Smith is your new Commander. I hope you learn to treat him as such."

The hall immediately erupted. His words felt like a slap in the face. As if what he meant to say was, "Fuck you guys clean this mess up yourselves. I'm out of here." As if these soldiers haven't been through enough today. I thought I knew Shadis better than that. I thought he was a better man. Turns out he's nothing more than a coward.

Erwin was climbing on top of a table. A very panicked look splayed across his face. I don't think Erwin was warned about this situation. I didn't stick around to see what he was going to say. I pushed my way through the crowd towards the door. I was emotionally and physically drained. I didn't need, no, couldn't bare to hear what he had to say. Once I hit the wooden floors of the hall, I started running. Away from what, who knows? But I was gone. I went to the first place my mind could think of, my lab. Its where it all started for me. It's the one place I truly felt safe.

My pace slowed once I burst through the doors of my library turned workshop. I glanced up, not helping but to think about Levi's and my first few days here. I laid on the ground, wishing the last two days would disappear

I must've passed out. I had been up for the past 36 hours or so. I woke up in my room, and I was fairly certain it was Levi who put me there. He would of course have known my lab was the first place I would have run. I pondered calling in sick today, but I knew I needed to appear strong for the cadets, especially for the people in the lab under me. We had to work twice as hard because we aren't safe within the walls anymore.

I made my way down to the mess hall, unsure of what time it was, as per my usual. Based on the relative emptiness of the hall, I guessed it was probably around 10am. I should really get into the habit of carrying a watch with me. As I sat down with my usual bowl of oatmeal, someone slid into the seat across the table. I glanced up.

"Morning Erwin."

"Taylor. You just keep getting up later each day, don't you."

I shrugged. "Can you blame me? Mornings are such a drag."

Erwin's tone suddenly took a serious tone, "I have something to ask you, and I want you to answer how you truly feel, not what you think I want to hear, alright?"

I arched my eyebrow questioningly, then nodded my head in agreeance.

"I want you to fill in my old role as Captain of the Survey Corps."

I have to admit I choked on my food there for a second. I was in utter shock. What? With a mouthful of oatmeal and in obvious confusion, I replied, "What? Captain?"

"After all, there is an opening now for the role. I can't think of anyone better to fill it than you."

"You must be joking. I've been on two expeditions, and almost my entire squad was killed in the first."

Erwin responded, "You forget that you have 22 titan kills to your name. Plus you have already proven yourself to be an adept leader and strategizer. I can't say I won't be disappointed if you don't accept the offer, but you have every right to say no."

"I'll do it." The words flew out of my mouth before I even knew what I was saying.

I think my facial expression showed my own surprise at myself as Erwin stood up abruptly and said, "Well that settles that. Feel free to take the rest of the day off, Captain. It is well deserved." He didn't give me a chance to even think about taking back my words. What was I to do with myself now?


End file.
